The key to joyful relationships may lie in the small, often overlooked moments of life. After years of working with clients and on my own relationship, I’ve noticed that the happiest couples develop intentional rituals that infuse their relationships with meaning.
The happiest couples aren’t those who avoid all conflict or make grand gestures, explains licensed marriage and family therapist, Soo Jin Lee, LMFT. “They’re the ones who consistently return to small, shared moments of presence and attunement,” she says.
Here are five weekly practices to bring joy to your relationship.
Relationship Check-Ins
Maybe your partner upset you recently. A conversation didn’t go the way you’d hoped, or they forgot to do something that really mattered to you. To avoid letting those feelings simmer until they blow up into a fight, schedule routine relationship check-ins.
“What sets [happy] couples apart is their commitment to emotional maintenance, not just crisis management,” Lee says. “They don’t wait for a blow-up to address disconnection.”
The beauty of holding regular relationship chats is knowing there will always be a time to talk openly. This gives you both the space to understand your different perspectives, diffusing tension that might breed frustration later on.
“[The relationship check-in] can be a conversation on how you’re both doing, what has worked and hasn’t worked this past week, and where you need more support or can support each other,” says licensed mental health counselor Nirmala Bijraj, LMHC.
You can use the time to thank your partner for their support and share positive emotions as well as to address specific pain points, Bijraj says. It’s a powerful way to build strong communication and acceptance, which are fundamental to a healthy relationship.
Play Together
Playfulness is a powerful tool for building intimacy. Happy couples find ways to infuse their lives with moments of fun: they might start an impromptu race in the swimming pool or a dance party during dish duty.
Being goofy and lighthearted together boosts emotional connection, sparks positive feelings, and gives you both the freedom to be your authentic selves.1 Research consistently shows that playfulness reduces stress and fosters openness for growth.2
“Couples who build lasting connections often share creative or playful rituals that disrupt autopilot,” Lee says. “This might look like voice memo love notes throughout the week, ‘dream dates’ where they plan imaginary vacations together, or revisiting old memories with photo albums and stories.”
Create Meaningful Rituals
Couples inevitably develop shared routines. Lee says that happy couples often enhance these daily rhythms by creating a habit of carving out moments for intentional connection.
They may take a moment to co-regulate their nervous systems with sensory experiences. That could include lighting a candle before dinner, cooking a nostalgic meal, slow dancing in the kitchen, or sharing a mindfulness practice.
“When couples slow down together, even briefly, they shift from managing life side-by-side to living life together again,” Lee says.
When couples slow down together, even briefly, they shift from managing life side-by-side to living life together again.
“What makes these habits stick is their meaning, not their complexity,” she adds. “When rituals are rooted in your unique culture, story, and love language, they become sustainable. They’re less about ‘hacking happiness’ and more about remembering what it feels like to come home to each other.”
Give Each Other Space
Happy couples know how to give each other space. I’m still learning this lesson myself.
My partner and I share a full life, spending time together with his kids, visiting the same friends, and nurturing similar interests. However, we’ve learned that spending too much time together can cause friction.
We decided to bring polarity back to our relationship by focusing on what makes us ‘us’. We take separate vacations and spend some evenings apart. We sometimes do different activities in the same room: he might play a video game while I read a book.
Prioritizing ourselves allows us to return to each other feeling more grounded. We can stay connected within healthy limits because we’re not expecting to be everything for one another.
Prioritize Intimacy
We know how important physical intimacy is for healthy relationships. Research shows that sexual activity can reduce stress, lower blood pressure, and lead to lower divorce rates.3
But there are lots of ways to build intimacy beyond sex. You might check in with your partner after a hard day, hold hands in the car, send a spontaneous flirty text, or surprise your partner with little gifts. Sprinkling in moments of closeness can keep the romance alive and prevent couples from feeling like roommates.
Bijraj says couples can kickstart those moments of daily connection by asking open-ended questions like “What part of your day was most fun?” or “What was the most interesting part of your day?”
“Take a few minutes where you connect emotionally and not just around logistical things of your day,” she says.
Bottom Line
The happiest couples aren’t doing anything extraordinary. They show up in small ways: a check-in, maintaining a silly inside joke, holding hands on the way home, and respecting their personhood.
Although these habits aren’t flashy, these small gestures will add up to a big impact in the happiness of your relationship.